2018 started they way everynew year starts- with a hangover. Just kidding! This year I kept it chill since I had a 7am flight the next morning back to LA. Looking forward to the new year, I was excited to really jump start my resolutions, one being to focus on this new relationship that started two months earlier. He had different plans. Three freaking days into the new year and I was dumped!
I was not only totally blind sided but completely distraught. I mean who would want to dump someone as fabulous as me, right? WRONG. From this particular rejection, I quickly spiraled into complete a pit of self-worthlessness. I took his rejection of me as a sign that I was not good enough. I was quick to attribute it to being not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not funny enough. Seriously, the list could go on. I felt completely crushed.
After sulking for a few days and seeking advice from everyone I knew (I totally exhausted them out), I came to the reluctant realization that this had nothing to do with him. Seriously, he was in my life for like 5 seconds, I was over him. But I wasn’t over it. This rejection brought my low self confidence right to the spotlight, and it was not something I wanted to focus on. But I had to, I did NOT want to spend the rest of my life feeling this insecure and unworthy.
Knowing the only way out is through, I was determined to battle my confidence and rejection issues head on. Here are a list of the key things that helped me not only move on but really recognize how much I have to offer:
1. Learn to love yourself
Easier said than done, amirite? I am not telling you to love yourself right off the bat, that’s impossible- at least for me. I mean to just try harder to forgive yourself for your flaws and really celebrate your strengths. For me, I am constantly hard on myself for eating too many carbs. Pasta, rice, bread- I can’t stop!! But instead of being mad at myself for past choices, I am learning to recognize that I can’t change the things I have done but I can use right now as a launching pad for the future. On the opposite spectrum, celebrate every accomplishment. I mean it too! I got a promotion at work and I celebrated for 3 days. Life is so dang hard all the time. When something good happens to you because of your hard work and determination, don’t discount yourself. Enjoy it and praise yourself!
2. Feel good
So this one is up to interruption to the reader. Feeling good is so vague. To me that means working out, focusing on my self care and indulging in a glass of wine. To others it could mean going out, Netflix bingeing or even jumping into a new relationship. To each their own. I think it is very important to really find time to enjoy yourself. After ending a relationship, no matter how insignificant in the grand scheme of life, you still are losing someone. So instead of sitting and wallowing, I am a firm believer in having fun! Heck, I work over 50 hours a week, I deserve some fun! Don’t let the new surplus of time you have now that you’re not seeing someone serve as your pity party. Pick yourself up and go feel good!
3. Find a hobby
So like I said, once you remove someone from your life, you find yourself with a lot more free time. One thing I noticed about myself was that I always looked for a guy who did all the things I was too afraid to do on my own. I wanted a guy who was sporty and could teach me. I wanted a guy who was fit so we could work out together. I wanted a guy who liked this, that and another. The list went on. What I realized was that I was waiting for someone to come along and have all these characteristics and hobbies that I was too afraid to explore on my own. Well not anymore! Now I am becoming the type of person I would want to be with. I wanted someone sporty? Well catch me running at the track most nights. A guy who took great photos? Excuse me while I dust off my DSLR and teach myself. A surfer to teach me how to hang 10? Nah, I joined a surf club and will learn on my own time. Having hobbies is super important to self growth. It not only encourages you to get out of your comfort zone and try new things, it really helps you define who you are and what you like.
4. Self care
I touched on this above but I really want to emphasize self care. Self care is different for everyone. For me, it means to work out, eat well, and truly recognize that I am becoming burnt out and really force myself to slow down and chill. I would be go-go-go all the time if I could, but some days I do need to sleep extra late and watch Netflix. Others may take a bath or dive into a new book. The most important thing to remember is that self care is nurturing yourself, being kind and understanding that you need time to reenergize.
While going through rejection sucks, it happens to everyone. I mean come on, if Jen Aniston gets dumped, it can happen to any of us. The key thing to remember is to keep your chin up and go through the motions & emotions. One day you’ll look back and see your growth because of the heartache and be truly amazed.
Have you been through a similar situation? What are your tips to gaining confidence and fighting through the tough times?